Lexi Behrndt
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Lexi Behrndt

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    Colton’s Story

    written by Lexi Behrndt

    colton

    As told by his mother, Katy.

     

    I am a planner, and I always have been. Most things in my life have gone precisely according to plan, except for the most important experience that I have known. On October 20, 2014, I had no idea that our family’s world would be turned upside down. My husband and I were pregnant with our first and only child, and on our way to our anatomy scan. For most people, this is where parents find out the “big” question of whether the baby is a boy or a girl, but for us, we found out so much more. Our sweet boy was going to be born with a severe congenital heart defect that would need several surgeries, but the doctors were fairly confident that it would be able to be remedied. My husband and I decided that as long as our baby was with us, we would fight alongside him.

     

    On March 6, 2015, Colton James Key arrived screaming, into the world. He was six pounds one ounce of pure joy, and he was certainly a fighter. When he was just three days old, he had his first heart surgery. Our family spent thirty-six days on the Heart Floor, and was released to go home. For the most part, we lived quite normally at home (amidst feeding therapy, cardiology, and ophthalmology appointments), but we knew we would have to bring Colton back for an open-heart surgery when he was around 9 months old. On December 4th, we did just that, and the heart surgery went very well.  His heart was repaired, and all we had to do was support him while he recovered. Except that he never did. The heart, which was everyone’s main concern, was functioning well, but his brain was not. Within a period of about three days of neurologists and CT Scans, we were told that our chatty and smiling boy would never crawl, walk, and would most likely be non-verbal due to a very traumatic brain injury. He began struggling to breathe, and we decided on do not resuscitate orders and hospice care.

     

    I honestly thought that when Colton passed away on January 1st, with his father and I snuggling him on the hospital bed, that life would never be joyful again. How can you find joy and happiness when you are deciding on hospice and funeral arrangements for a child? This is something that you only do for people who are older than you, who have lived a full life.

     

    My hopeless thoughts continued until I was at his funeral visitation. Not many people met Colton (due to keeping him germ-free), but over five hundred people came to his visitation, with many staying for his funeral service. That’s when I realized that your impact in life is not measured by the length of your stay, but in how you live your life. Colton lived every day with immense happiness and was full of life to the very end.

     

    I knew that in my life, something had to change. When you are a planner, everything is very controlled and perfect, which can also be very boring. Colton taught me so many things, but the importance of perfection is not one of them. He has set me free to show not only the beautiful side of life, but also the messy side.  All of the things that I worried about in the past:  Germs, flying in planes, whether my students can pass a standardized test to perfection, have gone out the window.  It’s a very scary, but freeing feeling.  Having a plan can be a wonderful thing, but sometimes it’s good to walk, or better yet run, into uncharted territory.

     

    I’m still very new in my grief, but I want others to know that you do not always have to be strong.  You do not always have to cry. You certainly do not always have to feel happy, or be in control.  Just be you.  Wonderful, beautiful, imperfect you. The rest will come as times goes on.

     

    Katy Key is a wife to Jordan and a mom to her angel Colton, in heaven.  She loves teaching her 3rd graders, spending time with family and friends, and watching all IU sports.  Her passion is to raise awareness for congenital heart defects and enjoy this imperfect life.  You can follow her on Instagram or Facebook.

    Colton’s Story was last modified: April 11th, 2016 by Lexi Behrndt
    April 11, 2016 0 comment
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  • Carys Aurora’s Story

    by Lexi Behrndt March 17, 2016

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  • Ainslie’s Story

    by Lexi Behrndt March 15, 2016

    As told by her mother, Meg.   Oh my heart. My aching heart.   On February 12th, 2016, we should be welcoming precious Ainslie Lynn into the world, instead we are creeping up…

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  • Dillon’s Story

    by Lexi Behrndt March 10, 2016

    As told by his mother, Kelley.   Dillon was born on March 20, 2014. He was my second child, another boy. We were thrilled and his big brother Liam was probably…

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  • Juno Michelle’s Story

    by Lexi Behrndt February 23, 2016

    As told by her mother, Michelle.  Since I was a little girl, my mom has been my best friend. She has shown me how to love and how to be a…

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  • Audrey Ann’s Story

    by Lexi Behrndt February 17, 2016

    As told by her mother, Christina   I could never have predicted the blessings she would bring. I knew having a daughter would be wonderful. I dreamed of mothering a sweet little…

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  • Ryan Matthew’s Story

    by Lexi Behrndt February 16, 2016

      As told by his mother Kalyn.   Just about a year ago I got the best news of my life: My husband and I were expecting our first baby. We…

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  • Bradley’s Story

    by Lexi Behrndt February 12, 2016

    As told by his mother Lindsey.   On the morning of Wednesday, Sept 2, 2015, I went in for a routine appointment with my perinatalogist (high risk). I was going to…

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  • Annie’s Story

    by Lexi Behrndt February 9, 2016

    As told by her mother Rosalind.   It’s not about us anymore, we knew that as soon as we had our first child. Annie has taken that to new levels; this…

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  • Korie Jade’s Story

    by Lexi Behrndt February 4, 2016

    As told by her mother Amanda.   There’s this club.  It’s a secret and exclusive club that not just anyone can join. The criterion to be in it is specific. Millions…

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About This Space

About This Space

Hey there, I'm Lexi.

I'm a filmmaker and [used-to-be] writer based in Florida. I started this website when I was fresh in my grief after the death of my son Charlie when he was 200 days old. I wrote non-stop the first year after his death and then I started a storytelling project called On Coming Alive. After a while, I wanted to step away and keep my grief as something personal and sacred to me. Because of this, I no longer write in this space, but I may someday. However, all these writings will still remain here for anyone who still might just need to know that whatever they are feeling, maybe they're not the only one. Welcome to this space. I hope you find a piece of home here.

Featured Posts

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    Apr 15, 2017
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  • The Sacred Task

    Nov 7, 2016
  • It’s Not About Forgetting

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    Jun 29, 2016

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“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” // Howard Thurman

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