As told by her mother, Megan.
I have always been known as the one who liked to have everything planned, the one that needed to know what I was going to be doing the next day and making sure I knew what was happening. That all changed last May when I realized I was pregnant with her. I was scared, was not in a relationship with her father anymore, and had so many massive decisions to make. All I knew at that point is I would love that baby unconditionally until the day I died. This is the only thing that I can say is happened as I planned it.
The pregnancy was a bit stressful, having to deal with making decisions about jobs and moving to my mum’s for a while, at the same time, dealing with her father and his not so supportive family. Apart from that, it was all going pretty well; no morning sickness, only putting on a bit of extra weight and experiencing all the excitement of having a little baby. Finding out she was a girl was just amazing. I had convinced myself I was having a boy, and although I would have been over the moon with that, having a girl just made it extra special. My little princess.
On the 5th of October the perfect pregnancy all went a bit wrong. I hadn’t felt her move as much the night before and thought I should probably get it checked out – although I was so worried about wasting people’s time. I almost didn’t go. However, I am so glad I made the decision to go, because otherwise my story would be different – I wouldn’t have been so fortunate to have the memories I did. She arrived at 15:16 on the 5th October 2015 by emergency C-section . My beautiful Carys Aurora, a super tiny 600g baby. It was touch and go at first, but the amazing staff whisked her up to NICU and there she survived for 8 amazing weeks.
She had her ups and downs. She had to be ventilated for several weeks, but she fought harder than anyone I have ever known. Within this time I was so lucky to have the chance to see my tiny little princess grow. She may not have been very big but that never stopped her. She certainly had her own mind and wriggled around all day and night in her little incubator. The first day after they removed the ventilator and put her on alternative breathing support she found her voice! Big loud princess cries for a tiny little baby, and I loved it. She was brave, strong and beautiful. She had a perfectly formed face, dainty little toes and gorgeous long legs – perfect in every way. All of the milestones we reached in there made everything worthwhile. The first time she and I had a cuddle, the first time she tolerated my milk, when she gained weight, the first time she looked at me and held my finger, it was she and I against the world and I had finally found my purpose in life.
On the 29th of November my world fell apart and she developed an infection in her bowel which took over her tiny little body. She passed away to join the angels in heaven. I didn’t think there was a way out of this unexplainable pain. I was alone now and having to deal with the situation that nobody ever expects to be in. It is still so raw to me, and some days I think about it all and cry, but I know that she was put on this earth for a reason. I know that her life is needed to make a difference. It is a long journey and there is so much I still have to face, but I know I am strong enough because of her. I know she still lives strong in my heart and picks me back up when I fall. My sleeping beauty changed me; she changed me for the best. She was my purpose and I will continue to make sure EVERYONE knows how incredible she was. My one true love, my angel, my Carys Aurora.
