As told by her mother, Michelle.
Awakened by my alarm…it was a Friday morning and I was extremely exhausted from working a long night before. I worked in a restaurant as a Server, so you could imagine. My 4 year old had a field trip to go Whale Watching but he had a terrible cough all night, so I called his school letting them know that we were not attending. I am glad we didn’t because unknowingly we had a long day ahead of us.
I had been worried for the past day and a half because my daughter wasn’t moving around. She wasn’t doing her normal jumping jacks, cartwheels, dance moves, or karate chops like she normally did in my womb. Unlike my son, she was definitely an active one. I knew she was going to be a handful and definitely going to be a fun, annoying little sister for him. He was so excited to finally be a big brother. I was 32 1/2 weeks long and the day of her arrival was coming very soon. My first baby shower would be in just one more week! I knew she was starting to grow rapidly…well, because babies do when your getting closer to your due date and the room she once had was much smaller. Yet, I was worried that I didn’t feel her move and continued to express my worry to my husband and loved ones. Many told me not to worry, they told me “she doesn’t have much room in there” or “don’t stress I’m sure she’s fine.” Yet, my husband and I began to worry more and more, I’d place his hand on my stomach and show him that there was no movement, telling him I knew something was wrong. We decided I should contact my doctor, we were just there that Monday and she was doing great, but I needed to make sure. I left a message and not an hour passed and the nurse called back and told me to call the hospital to see if they need me to go in and monitor the baby. Sure enough after calling the hospital I needed to go in. Off my husband and I went.
We got to the hospital and went to the Labor & Delivery floor. They did their normal routine, checked me in and had me change into a robe and was told a nurse would be in shortly. A friendly nurse finally walked in and asks about my concern and how long I had noticed a change in her movement. She told us not to worry that she would check her heartbeat and see how she was doing. She begins to place the monitor on my stomach and begins searching for the baby’s heartbeat. Searching, and it taking longer than normal, she tells us not to worry. She explains that sometimes its difficult to find the heartbeat if the baby is in a different position. She would then leave to go grab the ultrasound monitor. I begin to cry, not knowing what to think. The nurse tells me to hold on, and she returns with another nurse and doctor. They turn on the ultrasound monitor to show us our baby. We see our beautiful princess….her heart isn’t fluttering like all the times before. It was perfect a few days ago, I had just seen her, her heart had been fluttering perfectly on Monday. The feeling that I felt was unlike no other. It was as if I was stabbed. Like if my heart had been ripped out of my body, like my stomach flipped upside down, I couldn’t breathe. The doctor and nurses looked at us and said they were so sorry. The nurse hugged me. I cried. My husband was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed, the staff said they’d give us some time and would come back and talk about what was next.
They left the room and my husband and I just hugged and cried as I laid there. I looked up at the bright exam room lights on the ceiling. I felt my world flipped upside down and I cried out to God. “I need you, so much right now, more than ever. Please help me. I trust in you. Please, be here with me.”
I knew the hardest part was still to come. We called my parents and loved ones…and the doctor came back in. We discussed and we were then moved to the labor room by a new nurse. I will always remember that nurse. She was so gentle and loving. She hugged me the moment she met me and took us to our room. I remember they took away all the baby equipment normally needed after going into labor. I remember the nurse closed the door behind her and sat on the bed with me. She said that she knew how I felt that this had happened to her. That God will give me strength, we agreed with her. She smiled and asked if she could pray for us.She did, and I knew God put her there to show me He was with us. We were given hope that very moment we walked into that room. No matter how much pain that was dwelling in my heart, I knew God would hold me. That He would never leave me or forsake me. That when I held on to Him, He would be there.
My family began to show up, loved ones began to call. My beloved friend called and cried with me, prayed for me. It hurt to see my family broken. Everyone in shock. So many loved ones began to come to the hospital and all I could do was hold on to Jesus. I was so afraid, I was so overwhelmed. All I wanted was my baby to kick me, to show everyone it was a mistake. Not my baby. This couldn’t be happening…the doctors seemed to feel the same way. They did an ultrasound multiple times with multiple doctors hoping there was a mistake. But, it wasn’t a mistake. The next step was inducing my labor, I was going to have to give birth to my baby. Unlike I’d expected I would be meeting my baby as she slept…to never awaken.
It was Saturday, March 29th (3/29/2014) @ 3:14pm. Abigail Faith was born @ 3lbs 14oz . She looked like her daddy, beautiful and sleeping. I finally got to meet our princess, and hold her tightly. Her daddy danced and sang to her. Family and friends met her and expressed how beautiful she was. So many expectations for this little girl, so many plans. We were going to give her the world but she was given heaven instead.
No matter the pain….no matter the ache…God was there because I trusted him. He has been there through it all, even though I had no idea what he was doing and why it had to happen to us, I could rejoice knowing she was in his arms. Jesus loves the little children. There is no doubt that our little ones are in HEAVEN. All I could do is rest in his promises, in his love, in his truth. Trust God’s plans. Your Heavenly Father is standing at the door of your heart. If you reach out to Him in faith, He will give you peace and heal your broken heart. Today when you hear His voice do not harden your hearts let Him in. Let Him provide this peace, love, strength, comfort you so desperately need. No one or nothing will give you what you need like Jesus. There is no other way I could have survived without Him, so I pray you cling to Jesus like I have. I so desperately want to give you what I have and I will continue to guide you to your loving Father who desires to hold you through this journey <3
So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie.Therefore we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. -Hebrews 6:18-19