Lexi Behrndt
  • About Lexi
    • Meet Lexi
    • Featured Writing
  • Writing
    • Blog
    • Featured Writing
  • filmmaking
  • Projects
    • Videos
    • The On Coming Alive Project
    • CSP
  • Shop
    • On Coming Alive + Lexi Behrndt
  • About Lexi
    • Meet Lexi
    • Featured Writing
  • Writing
    • Blog
    • Featured Writing
  • filmmaking
  • Projects
    • Videos
    • The On Coming Alive Project
    • CSP
  • Shop
    • On Coming Alive + Lexi Behrndt
0

Lexi Behrndt

  • Slider item

    Blog

    Work & Writing

    Read More
  • Slider item

    Filmmaking

    Rhyme & Reason Films

    See More
  • Slider item

    The On Coming Alive Project

    Stories of Rising from the Ashes & Coming Alive

    Read More

It’s Okay To Mention Him

written by Lexi Behrndt January 21, 2016

She never met him. We only became friends several months ago, nearly a year after his death. I told her stories. I said his name. I mentioned him from time to time in her presence. She has seen him in the pictures that hang on my walls.

I’m not a public mourner. I’ll speak freely. I’ll speak directly. When someone asks how many children I have, I still say two. If they inquire further, I say simply, casually, rehearsed and with restraint, “He died.” I say it with a quick nod, and I give them a smile and some disclaimer like an “it’s okay” that is really only for their sake. I can share the facts, but I don’t like to share the emotion in the moment with many— really, only a very select few.

And so, one day, when she slipped his name into conversation, maybe it’s the way it registered on my face, or maybe it was a change in my posture, or maybe it was the way I quieted at hearing him mentioned from another’s lips, she paused.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned him.”

I stood there, frozen, trying to find the words to express what I wanted to say.

I didn’t realize until that moment that my lack of expressing emotion was communicating the wrong message to others. And that’s when I realized the truth that I had never adequately shared.

I want you to mention him. 

Grieving the loss of someone you love feels like carrying them around, hidden and invisible to the naked eye but your spirit heavy with their memory and presence. I carry him with me everyday, and these days, it doesn’t weigh me down as much with sadness. These days his memory stamped on my heart is as normal to me as the color of my eyes, the sound of my own voice.

When you mention him, you aren’t reminding me of him. He’s already intertwined with my every thought. When you mention him, you are reminding me that I’m not alone in remembering that he did exist, that he was here, and that he’s still mine.

I promise you that it’s okay for you to say his name.

I love to hear that he is remembered, acknowledged, and thought of by those who knew him and those who did not. I love to hear that you’re thinking of him, even if it’s only because you’re thinking of me, and even if your only connection to him is through our bond.

I can guarantee you that any temporary discomfort I may feel when you mention his name will quickly be overshadowed by gratefulness that someone took the time to acknowledge him, to think of him, and to let me know.

I want you to mention him, because it makes me comfortable to do the same.

We’re over the time of stigma and shame, but I only take the time to share with those who will truly listen and not shut down with discomfort.

I want to talk about him with ease and familiarity, in conversations with others that don’t always have to end on a sad note. I want to talk about him like I talk about my older son. Just like you talk about all of your children, I want to talk about all of mine. I want to be thought of as his mother, still, not just by myself, but also by others. I want to hear from others that they remember him, that they’ve thought about him, what he meant to them in their life.

I want you to mention him, because he’s still mine, and I’m still his.

The funny thing about death is that no matter how hard it tries to tear two people apart, it never wins. Some bonds can never be broken, even when you’re suddenly worlds apart. Somehow, you still stay theirs, and they still stay yours, and no passage of time could ever change that.

He’s still mine, and I’m still his. Forever. We’re endlessly tied, and because of that, I’ll forever mention him, and I’ll forever hope that someone else in my life will do the same.

It’s okay for you to mention him. It’s okay for you to say his name, because he’s as real to me as you are, even if I can no longer reach out and touch his face. 

Mention him. I promise it’s okay.

 

___________

 

Join me on Facebook.

It’s Okay To Mention Him was last modified: June 10th, 2016 by Lexi Behrndt

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Comments

comments

4 comments
2
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
Lexi Behrndt
Lexi Behrndt

previous post
My Child’s Terminal Illness Was a Gift
next post
Parenting After Loss

You may also like

The Girl Who Came Alive

January 27, 2016

Spiritually Wounded After Suffering

February 26, 2016

Take My Hand

January 18, 2016

I Am More

April 15, 2017

Loving Little Heroes

August 17, 2015

The Scars That Remind Me That I’m Still Alive

February 10, 2016

Grief and Gratefulness: A Coexistence

December 7, 2015

To the Child I Cannot Hold

September 25, 2015

Parenting After Loss

January 22, 2016

Find Me

Instagram

About This Space

About This Space

Hey there, I'm Lexi.

I'm a filmmaker and [used-to-be] writer based in Florida. I started this website when I was fresh in my grief after the death of my son Charlie when he was 200 days old. I wrote non-stop the first year after his death and then I started a storytelling project called On Coming Alive. After a while, I wanted to step away and keep my grief as something personal and sacred to me. Because of this, I no longer write in this space, but I may someday. However, all these writings will still remain here for anyone who still might just need to know that whatever they are feeling, maybe they're not the only one. Welcome to this space. I hope you find a piece of home here.

Featured Posts

  • I Am More

    Apr 15, 2017
  • Stepping Out in Courage

    Apr 1, 2017
  • The Sacred Task

    Nov 7, 2016
  • It’s Not About Forgetting

    Oct 6, 2016
  • Be That Love

    Jun 29, 2016

categories.

Featured Quote

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” // Howard Thurman

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Email
  • Privacy Policy

@2018 - Lexi Behrndt. All Right Reserved. Designed and Developed by PenciDesign


Back To Top