Lexi Behrndt
  • About Lexi
    • Meet Lexi
    • Featured Writing
  • Writing
    • Blog
    • Featured Writing
  • filmmaking
  • Projects
    • Videos
    • The On Coming Alive Project
    • CSP
  • Shop
    • On Coming Alive + Lexi Behrndt
  • About Lexi
    • Meet Lexi
    • Featured Writing
  • Writing
    • Blog
    • Featured Writing
  • filmmaking
  • Projects
    • Videos
    • The On Coming Alive Project
    • CSP
  • Shop
    • On Coming Alive + Lexi Behrndt
0

Lexi Behrndt

  • Slider item

    Blog

    Work & Writing

    Read More
  • Slider item

    Filmmaking

    Rhyme & Reason Films

    See More
  • Slider item

    The On Coming Alive Project

    Stories of Rising from the Ashes & Coming Alive

    Read More

Dig Deeper

written by Lexi Behrndt December 29, 2015

I’ve been stretching, undergoing a refining lately. It’s taken me a while to put my finger on exactly what is brewing, the thoughts and feelings that are formulating and the change that is occurring within me. I go about my days, halfway, with restraint, holding back, thinking that I need to live and love frugally, as if living and loving was a commodity you could run out of. I write, and I tell my stories, and they don’t feel right. I walk away from an hour of putting words to paper, and something is missing.

Dig deeper, Lexi. You’re only scratching the surface. The voice echoes in my ears, and I know it’s the truth.

At some point, I became content with giving only a little, giving a certain level, just the basics. Maybe it comes with survival mode and living life more like a zombie than living, breathing flesh and blood. Maybe. But at some point, I became content with merely scratching the surface. Of the work of my hands. Of the way I live my days. Of my relationships. Of my entire life.

The surface was easier to handle. The surface was easier to give. To dig down, beneath the top soil, to find the roots, and to give from them? That takes courage and strength. And yet, as tiresome and taxing and truly frightening as it might potentially be, if I’m honest with myself, I don’t want to live my life merely scratching the surface. I don’t want to finish my days with anything left. I don’t need to save my reserves of love and life and generosity and kindness.

I think there’s a time and place for self-preservation. When you go through the thickest of circumstances, you have to take time to heal, to be a tad bit selfish, and to sit back and mend. My mending has long since begun, and while self-care is always important, I know the truth. I know that it’s time to stop living life scratching the surface.

Maybe this is a new point in the healing process that we all have to find. Maybe. Maybe it’s a part of growth. Maybe it’s about rising to the occasion of our own lives. Maybe it’s about realizing there is more within me to give, and realizing that I want to live as a giver.

And I’m realizing this. As the lessons run through my mind. The push for more. I’m ready to take the leap, because I no longer have to worry that if I give all I have, I’ll break. I no longer have to worry that I’ll break if I open my heart. I no longer have to worry, because the truth is, I’ll never regret and I’ll never run out of love.

I don’t want to live my life halfway, holding back as a way to shield myself from exertion and pain. I don’t want to give what I have, and only give what’s easy to handle. I want to give it all, from everything I can, holding nothing back, and never having anything left over. I don’t want to love from only the surface, I want to love from my bones, and let it radiate outward.

Dig deeper. You’re only scratching the surface.

Cheers to mending, coming alive, and digging deeper.

Friend, you have so much to give. When you’re ready, take the leap. Give.

_________

Join me on Facebook.

Dig Deeper was last modified: June 10th, 2016 by Lexi Behrndt

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Comments

comments

growth
0 comment
0
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
Lexi Behrndt
Lexi Behrndt

previous post
2016, you’re mine.
next post
On Parenting Through Heartache

You may also like

Ways to Cope Through the Holidays

December 4, 2015

I Still Do

November 9, 2015

To My Friend: On a Year of Deep Grief

September 9, 2015

Choose to Hear Love Instead

March 7, 2016

Why Fighting Congenital Heart Disease Matters

February 5, 2015

Changing Tides

January 8, 2016

To the Momma of a Critically and Chronically Ill Child

December 22, 2014

When Your Dreams Have Shattered

October 13, 2015

On Clinging Together

January 15, 2016

Find Me

Instagram

About This Space

About This Space

Hey there, I'm Lexi.

I'm a filmmaker and [used-to-be] writer based in Florida. I started this website when I was fresh in my grief after the death of my son Charlie when he was 200 days old. I wrote non-stop the first year after his death and then I started a storytelling project called On Coming Alive. After a while, I wanted to step away and keep my grief as something personal and sacred to me. Because of this, I no longer write in this space, but I may someday. However, all these writings will still remain here for anyone who still might just need to know that whatever they are feeling, maybe they're not the only one. Welcome to this space. I hope you find a piece of home here.

Featured Posts

  • 1xbet Bonus  Bonus Paris Sportifs

    1xbet Bonus Bonus Paris Sportifs

    May 25, 2023
  • Ecopayz ile yatirim yapan Turkce casino siteleri

    Ecopayz ile yatirim yapan Turkce casino...

    May 23, 2023
  • I Am More

    Apr 15, 2017
  • Stepping Out in Courage

    Apr 1, 2017
  • The Sacred Task

    Nov 7, 2016

categories.

Featured Quote

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” // Howard Thurman

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Email
  • Privacy Policy

@2018 - Lexi Behrndt. All Right Reserved. Designed and Developed by PenciDesign


Back To Top