I am so, so sorry you are here.
I know this is your worst nightmare realized. I know this wasn’t plan A, B, C, or Z. I know the weight of it all is suffocating, soul-crushing, devastating, and earth-shattering in every way possible. I know you would give anything for just for one more second.
I know your heart is broken. How I wish I could make you feel at home again. How I wish I could take away the pain. How I wish I could place them back in your arms. I know you would savor every moment. I know you would breathe them in till you no longer had any breath in you. I know you would give every ounce of you to save every ounce of them, one thousand times over.
I know you miss them. I know you wish you could just smell them one more time, see their face one more time, kiss them and then freeze that moment so it would last forever. There are losses in this life that can never be replaced, and having them with you is at the top of the list.
If I could “fix” this, I would move mountains. I would in a heartbeat.
You need to know this.
On the days when it’s all you can do just to function, that’s okay.
On the days when you try your hardest to pull yourself together, and somehow things just don’t work out, give yourself grace. Give yourself room to breathe.
On the days when no one but you mentions their name, I am so, so sorry. Say their name bravely. Know that they are still real, they were still here, and they are still yours.
On the days when you feel like you could burst from anger and pain, go somewhere alone, cry it out, curse at the sky— there’s nothing worse than having to fake it. Just don’t. Please, let yourself feel it. You’ve been through too much to put on a face, and healing doesn’t come when we are living under a facade.
On the days when the world tells you to “heal” and “move on”, friend, healing from loss doesn’t look like healing from an injury. They were not a broken bone, they are a piece of our hearts, and now a piece of our hearts is gone. Friend, you will heal, just not in the way the world wants you. You will breathe easier. You will ache maybe a little less, but I’ve heard from those much, much further down the road than I, the longing will never, ever, ever leave. That’s the beauty and the fierceness and the strength of your love.
You are irrevocably changed, in the sweetest, head-over-heels, all-in, never-stopping way. Your love is strong. That’s the promise you made when you swore to love them for the rest of time, no matter what the cost was on your heart. Nothing on this earth has shown me unconditional love more than the love possessed in the heart of the grieving one. I see the power of it. It’s stronger than any amount of pain, than a sea of tears, than even the grasp of death.
I know, because of that love, you would brave every ounce of pain one thousand times over just for them.
Even when you don’t feel it… Look, here you are… You’re still breathing. You’re still standing. You are so brave.
Sweet friend, I am so sorry you are here.
Know that where there is great pain, there is even greater love.
So much love to you,
A Friend Who Knows
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