Lexi Behrndt
  • About Lexi
    • Meet Lexi
    • Featured Writing
  • Writing
    • Blog
    • Featured Writing
  • filmmaking
  • Projects
    • Videos
    • The On Coming Alive Project
    • CSP
  • Shop
    • On Coming Alive + Lexi Behrndt
  • About Lexi
    • Meet Lexi
    • Featured Writing
  • Writing
    • Blog
    • Featured Writing
  • filmmaking
  • Projects
    • Videos
    • The On Coming Alive Project
    • CSP
  • Shop
    • On Coming Alive + Lexi Behrndt
0

Lexi Behrndt

  • Slider item

    Blog

    Work & Writing

    Read More
  • Slider item

    Filmmaking

    Rhyme & Reason Films

    See More
  • Slider item

    The On Coming Alive Project

    Stories of Rising from the Ashes & Coming Alive

    Read More

To the One Whose Arms are Aching

written by Lexi Behrndt August 9, 2015

This is part two of my series of letters to the Grieving Mom. Read part one here.

To the one whose arms are aching,

Sweet friend.

I have to tell you. You’re doing an incredible job. I know it doesn’t feel like it. I know you feel like you can barely function and I know you think that you are failing at life, but listen. You’re still standing. You’re still breathing, and from someone who knows the pain, I know how hard even that is to do some days.

You shouldn’t have to be here. It shouldn’t be this way. Your arms shouldn’t be aching, and your heart shouldn’t be broken into the thousands of pieces it now beats in. You shouldn’t have to know this pain. You shouldn’t have to will yourself to breathe. You shouldn’t have to function like a normal human being when nothing about this is normal. Nothing about it is fair. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I’m so sorry you’re here. But look at you. You are so strong. You are so brave. You are holding on.

I know you feel fragile. I know you feel broken. I know you feel jaded because life didn’t treat you nicely. No one should have to say goodbye to the child they carried. No one should know the pain when their child leaves this world before them.

I know this is hard. I’m right here beside you.

I know you feel angry sometimes. It’s understandable. You watched as your perfect dreams shattered. And you would have settled for far less than perfect. You would have settled for anything if only they could just stay and not be in pain.

On the days that it’s too hard, and you find yourself at 2am sitting cross-legged on the bathroom floor, tissues crumpled in a pile beside you, whispering love and praying that they hear. In those moments, when the pain feels like it could swallow you whole, remember this: you are never, ever alone. There are few consolations in the darkest situations, but there is this: there are those who have gone before you, who are beside you, and who will come after you. People survive this. They hold on, just like you are. They grit their teeth, just like you are. They cling like hell to hope, just like you are. They claw for joy, just like you are. And they breathe in and out, moment by moment, day after day, year after year.

The pain will never subside, but a day will come when you will breathe easier. At least, that’s what I have heard. I’ll hold out for that day with you.

And as you face day after day without them, remember this: You’re still standing. You’re still breathing. You’re surviving. And this is this big one: you’re still mothering them with that strength and love, even though they are no longer in your arms. 

Between the two of you is a love of which some only hear rumored. A love that spans across worlds, through time, and never wavers or falls. This is the love of a mother for the child she aches to hold. The love that keeps you holding on.

You’re still their mom, and nothing can stop that.

I know this is hard. You shouldn’t have to be here. But look at you. You’re still breathing. You’re holding on, and even with a shattered heart, nothing can stop your love.

I know they are so proud to have you as their mom.

A Momma Who Knows


Join me on Facebook.

To the One Whose Arms are Aching was last modified: June 10th, 2016 by Lexi Behrndt

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Comments

comments

5 comments
0
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
Lexi Behrndt
Lexi Behrndt

previous post
You Will Find Joy
next post
Loving Little Heroes

You may also like

Parenting After Loss

January 22, 2016

To the Heart Parents

February 1, 2016

Be That Love

June 29, 2016

To My Friend: On a Year of Deep Grief

September 9, 2015

7 Ways to Support Others During Tough Times

May 12, 2015

Stepping Out in Courage

April 1, 2017

My Child’s Terminal Illness Was a Gift

January 19, 2016

We’re All Afraid

June 22, 2015

To My Sweet One

November 6, 2015

Find Me

Instagram

About This Space

About This Space

Hey there, I'm Lexi.

I'm a filmmaker and [used-to-be] writer based in Florida. I started this website when I was fresh in my grief after the death of my son Charlie when he was 200 days old. I wrote non-stop the first year after his death and then I started a storytelling project called On Coming Alive. After a while, I wanted to step away and keep my grief as something personal and sacred to me. Because of this, I no longer write in this space, but I may someday. However, all these writings will still remain here for anyone who still might just need to know that whatever they are feeling, maybe they're not the only one. Welcome to this space. I hope you find a piece of home here.

Featured Posts

  • I Am More

    Apr 15, 2017
  • Stepping Out in Courage

    Apr 1, 2017
  • The Sacred Task

    Nov 7, 2016
  • It’s Not About Forgetting

    Oct 6, 2016
  • Be That Love

    Jun 29, 2016

categories.

Featured Quote

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” // Howard Thurman

Instagram

No images found!
Try some other hashtag or username
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Email
  • Privacy Policy

@2018 - Lexi Behrndt. All Right Reserved. Designed and Developed by PenciDesign


Back To Top